how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
where does the pee come out of this thing
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
