I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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