Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
