my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
