While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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