We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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