My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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