if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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