He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
