I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
