I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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