This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
