I wish I could punch you in the face.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
