that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
