Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
