I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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