is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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