Buhtt sex?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
