We're like a lot better than the average bears
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
