I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
