Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
