my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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