2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
