Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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