another moral hangover. fuck.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
