you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Congratulations! We have a period
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
