If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
