I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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