I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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