if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
