can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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