how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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