party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We are two peas in an std pod
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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