there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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