i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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