I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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