Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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