it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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