He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
