Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
