cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
