His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
