My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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