also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
