I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
my penis made a compromise with my morals
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
