Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
