I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
