white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
