Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
