Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
