"it" just moved
Porn is love you can see.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
