On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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