You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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