So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
