It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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