He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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