Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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