I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
