worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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