He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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