do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
