so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
