I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
