That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize