my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
