im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
