I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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