so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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