You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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